Sandra Bernhard...I mean Sarah Bernhardt Cookies

(picture via www.MarthaStewart.com)

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So a few weeks ago I bought the Martha Stewart’s Cookies book because, well, I do loves me some Martha (more on that later). As I was thumbing through the book I noted recipes that would be worth trying and decided to begin my adventure through MaHels’ (that’s short for Martha Helen [Kostyra] Stewart for those of you who aren’t as tight with her like I am) book with the Sarah Bernhardt Cookies on page 282.

 After attempting the cookies FOUR times I almost gave up and renamed them the Sandra Bernhard Cookies because they left me as bitter as comedienne Sandra Bernhard. But, fortunately for you, I did not give up.

 Instead of writing an exhausting piece on what went wrong I will tell you what went right and why it went right by walking you, dear baker, through this wreck of a recipe.

 But first let me tell you why I love MaHels. 1) There is something about her toughness and resolve that is appealing. Anyone who knows with all their being that they have been wrongly convicted of a crime but decides to go ahead and serve time in jail has a steely core that nothing can destroy. And I like that. I like that a lot. 2) Also I admire that she was 35 years old when she decided to start catering and in her forties before her first book was published. 3) The main reason I love her, though, is because my husband was on her short lived TV show Martha Stewart: The Apprentice.  Sure, his 11 seconds of fame may not have been much but it endeared me to MaHels for life.

 Now let’s get to the recipe, shall we?

 I’m afraid that many of you may be reading this after attempting this recipe yourself and failing. You then went online and googled “Sarah Bernhardt Cookies” desperately trying to find what you might have done wrong and Google brought you here.

 I. Feel. Your. Pain! And it’s not you, I swear. The blame lay solely at the feet of MaHels and her minions.

This recipe is a joke. The reason it is a joke is because it is not specific enough. Specifically, the “Make Filling” part of the recipe is not specific enough. For cookies such as these, the recipe needs to be specific – very specific! General terms like “warm to the touch” and “about 5 minutes” are open to interpretation and can cause the reader to, oh, I don’t know, make THE DAMN FILLING four times before getting it right. So, channeling my inner Julia Child (that woman put the tail in detail!) I will now walk you through the filling and to the firm, but malleable, result.

 Oh, and one other thing before I get started. The book says the recipe yields 2 ½ dozen cookies but online at MarthaStewart.com  the (almost) same recipe says it yields 60 cookies, double that of the book. The book is correct. “Omni”media my ass!

 Sarah Bernhardt Cookies (otherwise known as the recipe where bakers go to die!) My instructions are in red:

• 6 ounces semisweet chocolate, coarsely chopped
• 1/2 cup sugar
• 1/2 cup water
• 4 large egg yolks, lightly beaten
• FOR THE COOKIE
• 1/4 pound almond paste (Thats 1/4 pound. Four ounces. Not 1/4 cup)
• 1/4 cup sugar
• 1 large egg white
• 1/8 teaspoon pure almond extract
• Pinch of salt
• FOR THE COATING
• 12 ounces semisweet chocolate, coarsely chopped
• 2 tablespoons pure vegetable shortening

 

This recipe is meant to be done in steps. Do not overlap. Do not do two at the same time. Do them all separately, one at a time, per the instruction. So don’t, let’s say, simmer the sugar and water while waiting for the chocolate to melt.

 
Make the filling (from hell): In a heat-proof bowl or the top of a double boiler set over a pan of simmering water (SIMMERING MEANS SIMMERING. Not boiling, not simply warm enough to evaporate water. SIMMERING. Little-bubbles-wiggling-their-way-to-the-top-simmering), melt chocolate, stirring until smooth. Remove from heat, and allow to cool (leave the damn thing alone and cool it NEVER heating it up again after it melts). Combine sugar and water in a small saucepan over medium-high heat, and simmer until clear, about 5 minutes (see note above re. simmering. Also, stir occasionally while it simmers); remove from heat (THIS STEP IS OMITTED IN THE BOOK. It is however in the online recipe. But do remove it). Place egg yolks in the bowl of an (HEATPROOF BOWL: This is a no-brainer but the online recipe does not specify) electric mixer set over a pan of simmering (See simmering note above) water, and whisk until warm to the touch, about 2 minutes (um, try 2 minutes 30 seconds. Also you don’t want to cook the yolks so make sure the water is just SIMMERING) Transfer bowl to mixer stand fitted with the whisk attachment; with machine on medium, beat in hot sugar syrup (Yes, beat in the hot syrup even if you think it will cook the yolks. It won’t. The yolks have been tempered and the speed of the mixer will not allow it to cook).  Increase speed to high, and continue beating until cool and fluffy, about 3 minutes (The trick here is not to do it around three minutes. The key is the fluffy part. Just make sure it is fluffy and aerated. If that is around three minutes, great! If not, mix until so).

 Reduce speed to medium, and gradually drizzle (the book recipe does not include the word drizzle. Drizzle is a good idea. In any case, incorporate the chocolate slowly) in cooled chocolate, beating until fully combined (see note below); if necessary, stop to scrape down sides of bowl (Not “if necessary”! No matter what, scrape down the sides at least ten or eleven times. Also scrape the bottom of the bowl as well to get chocolate that may have sunk that the wire whisk is not reaching. Also “fully combine” means “totally, completely, five minutes after you think it’s fully combined, combined").  Refrigerate until firm and cold, about 45 minutes to 1 hour (The book says “about one hour”, not "45 minutes to an hour". Nonetheless, it should read at least an hour).

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Line a baking sheet with a Silpat or parchment paper (the book says simply Silpat. And I agree. Don’t use parchment); set aside.

 Make the cookies: In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, combine almond paste and sugar; beat until smooth(UNTIL SMOOTH. Mixing the almond paste and sugar UNTIL SMOOTH takes about three weeks so don’t get disheartened when, after a few minutes, your mixture looks like peas. Keep going until smooth. Walk the dog, refinish the furniture. Go on a vacation. But what ever you do wait until it is smooth). Add egg white, almond extract, and a pinch of salt; beat to combine. Transfer to a pastry bag fitted with a 1/4-inch tip (Ateco #11). (The book says Ateco #12. Go with the #12). Pipe 1-inch cookies onto a prepared baking sheet, leaving about 1 inch between each cookie (PIPE 30 1-inch cookies, not 60).

Bake until firm and golden around edges, about 12 minutes. Transfer cookies to a wire rack to cool completely (The online version omits, and the book version includes, rotating the sheet halfway through. Do this. Do rotate at the 6 minute mark). The cookies may be stored at this stage in an airtight container for up to 1 week.

 Place cookies dome-side down on a cooling rack (THIS IS WHERE THE BOOK RECIPE AND THE ONLINE RECIPE TOTALLY CONTRADICT EACH OTHER. Place the cookies, flat side down, on the cooling wrack. NOT DOME SIDE) Place filling in a pastry bag fitted (do not stir the filling after you remove it from the refrigerator. Disturb it as little as possible when transferring it to the pastry bag) with a 1/4-inch tip (Ateco #11), and pipe a peaked mound onto the flat side (Dome side. Not flat side!) of each cookie. Transfer to freezer until very firm, about 1 hour.

 Make the coating: In a heat-proof bowl or the top of a double boiler set over a pan of simmering water, melt chocolate, stirring until smooth. Stir in shortening. Cool to barely warm (TO BARELY WARM. Not too hot. The filling is delicate and will melt if the coating is too hot)

 Remove cookies from freezer. Working quickly so that the filling doesn't melt, use a chocolate fork to hold cookie above bowl of chocolate, and spoon melted chocolate over cookie. Place filling-side up on cooling rack placed over a baking sheet. Refrigerate until ready to serve ( This is not even in the book, just online. But it should read “Refrigerate AT LEAST an hour") Will keep refrigerated for up to 3 days (Um the book says 4 days, not “3 days” like in the online recipe. I don’t know who to trust. But if anyone does store the cookies in the fridge for 4 days and eats one on the fourth day let me know if you get sick. That way we will know which is correct. Consider it taking one for the team!)

Done!

The picture at the beginning of the post is from the Martha Stewart website. The picture of my cookies is after the jump.

Oh yeah. One last thing. These cookies ARE well worth the effort!

These are mine! My Sandra Bernhard Cookies (yes, I renamed them!)

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Comments

[Mia]

I made these today but I used this recipe instead, boy was it a royal pain in the you know what to make these little boogers, but you are right it was well worth every effort and 4 hours of cooking.

http://icecook.blogspot.com/2006/12/sarah-bernhardt-cookies-srur.html

Mia

[John Gary]

Thanks or your guidance on one of my favorite cookies. I have not had the patience to try them myself, but might now with your guidance.

I must comment that Martha Stewart spent time in jail not out of strength of character, but because her very significant investment in lawyers could not produce her desired result. She was convicted because she abused her access to insider information to make large sums of money at the expense of the general public. Perhaps her transgressions were not as bad what Bernie Madoff or Andy Fastow did, but wealth, fame, and privilege does not free passes for abuse.

[Rory Kathleen Jones]

I am genuinely impressed with your thoroughness and expertise in making these cookies and rewriting the recipe. It is nice to know my cooking failures are not always my fault. Although I do not have the time to make these cookies I think the divine Sarah and Ms. Stewart owe you a shout out. Keep up the good work. I will check back for recipes I might be able to find the time to make.